The following is e-mail correspondence received by a new mother...
a member of the cleftAdvocate Family.

Published with the permission of the author and the recipient,
unedited and in its entirety.


I was looking at the website because I was born with a double cleft palate/hare lip and am interested in supporting others.

I want to tell you how lucky your son is. Yes, I mean that. People nowadays have it so easy. We're a nation of spoiled individuals. He will learn how to be tough and how to love, and he will need you there to help him accomplish both of these! He'll get made fun of and will have to deal with it and learn to forgive. He'll learn how to trust the right people and not put his trust in untrustworthy people. He'll learn how to love even those people who make fun of him. This is why he's lucky. There are so many arrogant, superficial and prideful people in this world whose purpose in life is only to put numbers in their bank account and impress other people. Your son will learn about the important aspects of life that bring true peace, happiness and joy...that is so long as you're there to teach, encourage and love him.  It's so important that you prepare him for the world.  Don't pamper him because he was born "different."  Expect him to excel.

He won't live a 'normal' life and for that be thankful! He'll learn to reach out to people in need. 'Normal' people don't learn how to love others in this way....they write a check to whatever charity and think they've proven they're 'compassionate.' Your son will play baseball, date girls, go to college, get a law degree, serve his country, get married, and have children. I did.

My beautiful wife says that she didn't even see the scars on my upper lip the first time we met (they've gotten even better at plastic surgery!) Your son will meet a woman like that one day who will see him for what he really is, not for how he appears. He'll be so lucky because his life will be totally devoid of superficial people!! Your son will bring love into people's life because he will know how to love even people who are hard to love and that is the best blessing a person can ask for!

Lastly, just a few words of advice and referral.  Please breast feed him so he builds up a strong immune system to fight those ear problems and surgeries.
Don't let him have soft drinks or refined foods (candy, junk food, fast food, chips and the like) as they weaken the immune system and allow the body to be a less hostile host to bacteria and viruses. I've raised my daughter this way and she's NEVER had an ear infection (she'll be five soon)! Look into using essential oils to build up the immune system. I've not been sick in three years since starting to use them so I'm pretty excited since I used to get cold and flu every season.  Peppermint, oregano and frankencinse oil are good for immune system. Lavender is wonderful to prevent scarring.

I went to UC San Francisco for years as a kid- they have good people there.

All the best!

(First name only as author wishes to remain anonymous)

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This cleftAdvocate page was last updated March 25, 2014
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